I was stuck in a series of day-long mandatory training sessions this week. Thankfully, today was only for half the day. Because much of the material was a rehash for me, my mind, and my eyes, tended to wander. And what my eyes saw wasn’t pretty.
The trend in recent years has been moving toward a more casual dress code. I’ve bleated about this in the past. It’s not like I’m a holdout; on the contrary, I think it’s great that I don’t have to go to the dry cleaners for my suits as often as I used to go. It’s nice not having a noose around my neck in the warm weather. I even wear jeans on the really casual Fridays, though they’re more presentable than the ripped Levi’s that many of my coworkers wear.
I don’t really care how my colleagues dress. But I see a disturbing trend, and it’s the neglect of proper hygiene. I know, ewwwwww! The guy two rows in front of me needed an ear-hair trimming something fierce. His ears looked like a bamboo forest. You’d need a macheté to cut through that growth. Just be sure to check for giant pandas. Another guy in the office reeked of body odor. This was at 9:00 in the morning. I guess he skipped the morning shower. I thought that it couldn’t get any worse, until he took off his shoes! Death, where is thy sting?
Some of the ladies were slacking off, too. One wore a sweater that smelled like mothballs. It could have come from some old maid’s attic. Another popped and snapped her chewing gum. Many wore no makeup, and most of them needed some (a few could have used a bag over their heads). The lady next to me had breath that smelled like a cross between coffe and rotting fish. The mothballed sweater smelled sweet by comparison.
Sitting at the back of the room, I was also treated to a variety of thinning hairlines. Most guys opted for the more natural Telly Savalas-look, but a couple went for the dreaded comb-over. One guy looked like he parted his hair from his shoulder. As my wife would say, that’s not fooling anybody. Time to go with the Kojak, buddy.
So if you’re treated to one of these sights at work, why suffer in silence? Just print out a copy of this post, and leave it on their chair, anonymously. Hopefully, they’ll get the hint, and clean up their act.
Just watch out for the pandas.
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