Parkinson’s Law - Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.

Truer words have never been written.  Why does everything miraculously get finished at the deadline?  Because that’s how much time is allotted to complete the assignment.  People who have sat on their ass all week suddenly spring to action an hour before a deadline, going balls to the wall.  Somehow, everything gets done on time.

I took Parkinson’s Law to the extreme every time that I had a college term paper due.  I would never write a rough copy; I would type my final version straight from my notes, starting with the body of the report.  Oh, and I started the night before it was due, downing much coffee and eating boxes of Entenmann’s cookies to fuel my madness.  After a couple hours of sleep, I’d finish up the intro and conclusion, along with any works cited.  It’s a good thing that I thrive under pressure; I graduated Magna Cum Laude.

What makes rational people act irrationally, procrastinating to the point of sheer lunacy?  I once worked with a guy who always worked right up to deadlines.  My boss called him the Spittoon Polisher.  I can remember going to a VP’s meeting, re-stapling the presentations as we walked down the hallway, because the Spittoon Polisher had a last-minute change.

He was called the Spittoon Polisher after a story that my boss told us:

There once was a man who polished brass spittoons to a gleaming luster.  When a customer asked the polisher, “How do you know when you are finished?”, the polisher answered, “When my boss physically pries the spittoon from my hands, and I can polish no more.”

People like the Spittoon Polisher will never finish early.  They, like my college-aged self, are strict adherents to Parkinson’s Law.  They will use every available minute before a deadline to complete a task.  It puts a strain on those that are at their mercy.  I know it drove me nuts!

My frustrations from my time with the Spittoon Polisher forced me to confront my own procrastination.  I thought about how arrogant it was to make others wait on me, never knowing if I was going to come through.  So I evolved.  Rather than relying on a Hail Mary at the end of regulation, I learned how to work smarter.  I forced myself to become more efficient.  I wanted to become the go-to guy, the one who could be relied upon to hold up his end of the bargain.

So I jumped on my responsibilities.  I became the guy that finished early.  Like Tommy Henrich of the Yankees, Old Reliable himself, I came through in the clutch.

Parkinson’s Law my ass!

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