Photo by law_keven

A lion’s work hours are only when he’s hungry; once he’s satisfied, the predator and prey live peacefully together. - Chuck Jones

I heard that quote on Criminal Minds a few weeks ago.  As I sit here in the aftermath of yet another layoff, a metaphor sprang to mind.  Or a simile.  Whatever.  A post was born.

When it was announced last month that my company would be laying off several dozen employees, it caused a pall to hang over my department.  There was the usual gallows humor from the Comedian (who didn’t get the axe, Thank God) about unemployment benefits and working at Burger King, but the mood in the office was, for the most part, pretty grim.

I even noticed a separation on an emotional level between management and the rank and file.  You started hearing, “I wonder how those bastards are choosing who stays and who goes.”  Or, “Wait till it’s their turn to get marched out the door.”  It was an us-against-them mentality, and it built to a crescendo by the end of last week.  Because, the lion was hungry, and had a job to do.

After yesterday’s bloodletting, like gazelles after the lion has eaten one of their own, the pressure was off.  Remember, the lion is only the enemy when he’s hungry.  The survivors had to sort things out, so back to work we went.  And to joking around.  I think some of it was in poor taste, and I tried to keep it quiet.  Don’t get me wrong - I’m glad I survived this round.  But I’ll miss many of my newly-former coworkers, but some will improve the place with their absence.

Lateness Man was an early victim.  He can keep others in suspense at his new job, wherever that will be.  Also hitting the road is Conspiracy Guy.  I’ll actually miss him, though.  He was quite colorful.  One person I won’t miss is Mr. Gripes.  I’ve never written about him before, but he was probably the most miserable person that I’ve ever had to work with.  If you look up negativity in the dictionary, you’ll probably find his picture in there.

What these guys all had in common was a tendency to badmouth the company and its management. They obviously didn’t know how to avoid getting laid off.  Some of the phrases that they uttered:

“This place is going down the tubes.”

“They don’t have a freakin’ clue about how to run this place.”

“I have X amount of contracts to manage.  He only has Y amount.”

“Wah!  Wah!  Wah!”

“Beware of the Office Snitch.” (wait, that was me who said that one)

You get the picture.  Complain enough, loudly enough, and maybe you get to the top of the layoff list.  Congratulations!  Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out!

Now, time to join the other gazelles at the waterhole.  It’s safe.  The lions have already eaten.

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