Here’s the third installment of my Humpday Sarcasm series.  You can read the first two by following these links:

Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things that I Wish I’d Said First

Son of Humpday Sarcasm

The following quotes were taken from Robert Byrne’s book, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said:

I’m thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level. - Dana Carvey

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? - Steven Wright

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.  The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. - Sid Caesar

Death is nature’s way of saying, “You’re table is ready.” - Robin Williams

My karma ran over your dogma. - Unknown

They want me on all the television shows now because I did so well on “Celebrity Assholes.” - Steve Martin

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana. - Lisa Grossman

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. - Herbert Hoover

Some guy hit my fender, and I said to him, “Be fruitful and multiply,” but not in those words. - Woody Allen

Have a great Wednesday!

• Guess I Was Wrong About Brett Favre Time to eat humble pie.  Or take my foot out of my big, fat mouth.  Brett Favre had another fine game, and the Vikings are 11 and 2.  So much for my August prediction, which you can read right here and laugh at my deficient clairvoyent powers.  Looks like......
• The Awful Truth I'd like to talk about a character that everyone claims they want to hear more from: The Truth.  Not a day goes by without someone demanding, "I want the Truth!"  In the Gospel of John, we're reminded that, "The truth shall set you free."  Superman fought for truth , justice,......
• Are Layoffs Harder for Men? The sting of layoffs can be sharper for men, according to this Yahoo Finance article from the New York Times.  If it sounds like the Times article is a little sexist, you're probably right: While gender roles are malleable, and many people are adjusting the boundaries, the roles that have......

• Deep in the Heart of Texas I'm back from the great state of Texas; my visit with family was long overdo and enjoyable. One of my goals during the vacation was to maintain an exercise schedule, and honestly that was a challenge! I focused more on isometric/strength training exercises in the privacy of the guest bedroom (with the......
• Orvis Fly Fishing Guide Whether you are a lifelong fly fisherman, or someone that has been intrigued by this sport, the Orvis Fly Fishing Guide is one of the single best resources we have ever come across on fly fishing. This new edition contains more than 400 photos and illustrations and offers some of......
• The Best Billion Dollars You Could Ever Spend Beyond yachts, cars and parties, dare to dream bigger One thousand million dollars. It’s quite difficult to comprehend that amount in terms of usefulness. Say you gain such a fortune, even once you’ve got a gold-plated roof over your head and the finest cuisine known to man lining your stomach,......

As I mentioned in last week’s post entitled Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things That I Wished I’d Said First, I received Robert Byrne’s book, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, for my birthday.  I shared ten selections with you last week, and figured I’d keep up the tradition until someone says “Uncle”.  So, here’s this week’s top ten quotes from the book:

Washington Irving.  (Answer to the question “Who was the first president, Max?”) - Steve Allen’s Question Man

A tragedy is a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Your request for no MSG was ignored. - Fortune cookie opened by Merla Zellerbach

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they get up in the morning, they’re not going to feel any better all day. - Frank Sinatra

When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter. - Steven Wright

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron.  Not even God can hit a 1-iron. - Lee Trevino

It took me an hour to bury the cat, because it wouldn’t stop moving. - From The Monty Python Show

On New Year’s Eve, people in New Jersey stay up till midnight and watch their hopes drop. - Richard Lewis

Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror. - Gregory “Pappy” Boyington

and my favorite of the bunch:

We had a quicksand box in our back yard.  I was an only child, eventually. - Steven Wright

Just a little snarkiness for a Wednesday.  Now get back to work!

• Some Are More Equal Than Others "All animals are equal.  But some animals are more equal than others." - The revised 7th Commandment from George Orwell's Animal Farm We'd like to think that we're all playing on a level field.  That we all have the same chance at success.  That fairness will triumph over favoritism. Yeah,......
• Humpday Sarcasm III Here's the third installment of my Humpday Sarcasm series.  You can read the first two by following these links: Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things that I Wish I'd Said First Son of Humpday Sarcasm The following quotes were taken from Robert Byrne's book, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said:......
• For the Love of God, Don't Just Read the PowerPoint Charts! danorth1 An Invitation to a Meeting I received an email at work that invited me to attend an overview on a new procedure.  Attached to the email was a copy of the PowerPoint file that would accompany the presentation.  Nice touch, thought I.  I can skim through it beforehand,......

• It's 5 O'clock Somewhere! All through college, my favorite time of the week was at 4 o'clock on Friday...the start of Happy Hour! It was wonderful - great friends, great music, and great beer. My love for happy hour continued post-college, but it seemed that my friends didn't love it as much as I did,......
• MLR, Back From the Dead It wasn’t that long ago that I was writing multiple times per week. And then I changed jobs, bought a house, and did a bunch of other stuff. However, some normalization has returned and I fully intend to “be back” once again. The Only Constant is Change As Heraclitus......
• Fishing Report: December 27, 2009 Striped Bass, Crab and Halibut At Berkeley/Emeryville, crabbing's pretty much over, with no trips available now, but they're still taking reservations for sturgeon trips as that's just starting to pick up in the bay. Pacifica's actually showing some improvement in crabbing, but anglers are having a hard time finding......