Posts Tagged Robert Byrne

Here’s the third installment of my Humpday Sarcasm series.  You can read the first two by following these links:

Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things that I Wish I’d Said First

Son of Humpday Sarcasm

The following quotes were taken from Robert Byrne’s book, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said:

I’m thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level. - Dana Carvey

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? - Steven Wright

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.  The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. - Sid Caesar

Death is nature’s way of saying, “You’re table is ready.” - Robin Williams

My karma ran over your dogma. - Unknown

They want me on all the television shows now because I did so well on “Celebrity Assholes.” - Steve Martin

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana. - Lisa Grossman

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. - Herbert Hoover

Some guy hit my fender, and I said to him, “Be fruitful and multiply,” but not in those words. - Woody Allen

Have a great Wednesday!

• Guess I Was Wrong About Brett Favre Time to eat humble pie.  Or take my foot out of my big, fat mouth.  Brett Favre had another fine game, and the Vikings are 11 and 2.  So much for my August prediction, which you can read right here and laugh at my deficient clairvoyent powers.  Looks like......
• I Hate the Olympics I know.  BLASPHEMY!  UNPATRIOTIC!  I love most sports, at least the ones that fit George Carlin's definition of a sport.  I'm a die-hard Yankees fan.  I love the football Giants.  I never missed a Knicks game when Patrick Ewing was in the pivot.  I was ecstatic to hear the "1940"......
• Are Layoffs Harder for Men? The sting of layoffs can be sharper for men, according to this Yahoo Finance article from the New York Times.  If it sounds like the Times article is a little sexist, you're probably right: While gender roles are malleable, and many people are adjusting the boundaries, the roles that have......

• MySpace - The Good, the Bad and the Ugly! The GreatSchools.net system is a wonderful collections of useful tools, services, and resources including some great content and over 600 articles written by their GreatSchools staff and thanks to Lisa Rosenthal, this is a great service everyone can use. Please Join Us on Monday morning at 11:00 am PST on......
• Orvis Fly Fishing Guide Whether you are a lifelong fly fisherman, or someone that has been intrigued by this sport, the Orvis Fly Fishing Guide is one of the single best resources we have ever come across on fly fishing. This new edition contains more than 400 photos and illustrations and offers some of......
• Deep in the Heart of Texas I'm back from the great state of Texas; my visit with family was long overdo and enjoyable. One of my goals during the vacation was to maintain an exercise schedule, and honestly that was a challenge! I focused more on isometric/strength training exercises in the privacy of the guest bedroom (with the......

As I mentioned in last week’s post entitled Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things That I Wished I’d Said First, I received Robert Byrne’s book, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, for my birthday.  I shared ten selections with you last week, and figured I’d keep up the tradition until someone says “Uncle”.  So, here’s this week’s top ten quotes from the book:

Washington Irving.  (Answer to the question “Who was the first president, Max?”) - Steve Allen’s Question Man

A tragedy is a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Your request for no MSG was ignored. - Fortune cookie opened by Merla Zellerbach

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they get up in the morning, they’re not going to feel any better all day. - Frank Sinatra

When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter. - Steven Wright

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron.  Not even God can hit a 1-iron. - Lee Trevino

It took me an hour to bury the cat, because it wouldn’t stop moving. - From The Monty Python Show

On New Year’s Eve, people in New Jersey stay up till midnight and watch their hopes drop. - Richard Lewis

Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror. - Gregory “Pappy” Boyington

and my favorite of the bunch:

We had a quicksand box in our back yard.  I was an only child, eventually. - Steven Wright

Just a little snarkiness for a Wednesday.  Now get back to work!

• Humpday Sarcasm III Here's the third installment of my Humpday Sarcasm series.  You can read the first two by following these links: Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things that I Wish I'd Said First Son of Humpday Sarcasm The following quotes were taken from Robert Byrne's book, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said:......
• Humpday Sarcasm IV - George Carlin Edition This is the fourth installment in the Humpday Sarcasm series.  You can read the first three parts by clicking on the links: Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things That I Wish I'd Said First Son of Humpday Sarcasm Humpday Sarcasm III I thought that I'd do something different this week, and......
• A Month Without Coffee. Now What? Photo by Andreanna I think I've kicked my coffee habit.  It's been a whole month since I enjoyed my last cup o' Joe.  Based on the conventional wisdom that it takes three weeks to break a habit, I think I'm good to go.  Yippee! What now? OK, so I......

• Fishing Report: November 29, 2009 Striped Bass, Crab and Halibut In Berkeley/Emeryville, people are still pulling in their limit of crab. Bass are still biting, and the halibut and bass fishing is slowly improving. But if you're looking for crab, this is the place to be as people have been pulling in their limit......
• Dark And Light Mana Let’s discuss problem psychic vampires. When unaware they tend to be angry people, and you can feel it because they don’t just drain you, they negate you. Even if they aren’t being mean to you, it is just very hard to be present with them, though not all unpleasant people......
• How Much Does $20 A Week Amount To Over Time? I know a lot of people think that they cannot afford to save money because they have too many bills or don't make enough money every week to actually put anything aside. But for those of you in this situation, I wanted to point out how even $20 a week......