Here’s the third installment of my Humpday Sarcasm series.  You can read the first two by following these links:

Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things that I Wish I’d Said First

Son of Humpday Sarcasm

The following quotes were taken from Robert Byrne’s book, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said:

I’m thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level. - Dana Carvey

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? - Steven Wright

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.  The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. - Sid Caesar

Death is nature’s way of saying, “You’re table is ready.” - Robin Williams

My karma ran over your dogma. - Unknown

They want me on all the television shows now because I did so well on “Celebrity Assholes.” - Steve Martin

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana. - Lisa Grossman

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. - Herbert Hoover

Some guy hit my fender, and I said to him, “Be fruitful and multiply,” but not in those words. - Woody Allen

Have a great Wednesday!

• Son of Humpday Sarcasm As I mentioned in last week's post entitled Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things That I Wished I'd Said First, I received Robert Byrne's book, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, for my birthday.  I shared ten selections with you last week, and figured I'd keep up the tradition until......
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As I mentioned in last week’s post entitled Humpday Sarcasm: Ten Things That I Wished I’d Said First, I received Robert Byrne’s book, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, for my birthday.  I shared ten selections with you last week, and figured I’d keep up the tradition until someone says “Uncle”.  So, here’s this week’s top ten quotes from the book:

Washington Irving.  (Answer to the question “Who was the first president, Max?”) - Steve Allen’s Question Man

A tragedy is a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Your request for no MSG was ignored. - Fortune cookie opened by Merla Zellerbach

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they get up in the morning, they’re not going to feel any better all day. - Frank Sinatra

When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter. - Steven Wright

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron.  Not even God can hit a 1-iron. - Lee Trevino

It took me an hour to bury the cat, because it wouldn’t stop moving. - From The Monty Python Show

On New Year’s Eve, people in New Jersey stay up till midnight and watch their hopes drop. - Richard Lewis

Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror. - Gregory “Pappy” Boyington

and my favorite of the bunch:

We had a quicksand box in our back yard.  I was an only child, eventually. - Steven Wright

Just a little snarkiness for a Wednesday.  Now get back to work!

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