Many of my family and friends are on Facebook.  They post pictures of vacations, wish each other Happy Birthday, arrange trips, etc.  They also bug me with friend requests, and wonder why I don’t read the latest drivel on their wall.  While I might be a little anti-social, my main reason for not posting on Facebook is simple: I don’t need anyone to know my personal business.

Good fences make good neighbors

One of my favorite things in the whole world is my privacy.  That’s why you don’t see any pictures of my face on this website (that, and my face frightens small children).  Not that I’m a hermit, but I do have large bushes that block my view of my neighbors (I’m from the Robert Frost school of neighborly relations).  I’ve always had an unlisted phone number.  When a cashier asks for my zip code for promotional reasons, I tell her it’s classified.  I may get a funny look, but that’s the great thing about not caring what others think of me.

“Have you seen the slides of our trip to Gstaad?”

And I guess that’s part of the reason why I don’t go on Facebook: I don’t give a crap what you’re doing, either.  I’ve got enough of my own shit to worry about, like layoffs and a dwindling 401(k).  I don’t need to see your pictures of your Disney trip; they’re the modern equivalent of forcing people to watch a slide show of their vacation to Niagara Falls.  Whoa, look at the time…

“How do I know you?”

And these friend requests.  I’m hearing from people I haven’t talked to since high school.  If I haven’t missed you over the last 20 years, chances are I don’t need to hear from you now.  It’s the high school reunion migrated to cyberspace, where everyone bullshits about how successful they’ve become.  I guess the added benefit is they can photoshop their beer bellies out of the pictures.

Popularity contest

And there’s no easier way to give more ammo to the hackers who would love to steal your identity.  If they know every intimate detail of your personal life, you’re handing it to them on a silver platter.  And who the hell are these strangers that want to be my friend?  Hackers, or just pathetic souls who are collecting “friends” as a way of making themselves feel popular?  Either way, I’ll take a pass.  Nothing to see here, keep moving…

And stay out!

So rather than join the millions who waste their time posting drivel on Facebook, I’ll do something more constructive.

Like watch the Yankee game.

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