I received a book for my birthday entitled, “The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said“, by Robert Byrne. It’s loaded with quotes from famous people, and being the smartass that I am, I thought that I’d share some of the more sarcastic entries with you. So without further ado, here goes:
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one’s fellow man. - Groucho Marx
Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. - Napoleon
Because I’m Jewish, a lot of people ask why I killed Christ. What can I say? It was an accident. It was one of those parties that got out of hand. I killed him because he wouldn’t become a doctor. - Lenny Bruce
You may already be a loser. - Form letter received by Rodney Dangerfield
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
I’m glad we don’t have to play in the shade. - Golfer Bobby Jones on being told that it was 105 degrees in the shade
Bad spellers of the world, untie! - Graffito
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. - Emo Philips
What the hell are you looking at? - License plate slogan for New York suggested by Steven Pearl
and my favorite:
What died? - Motto for New Jersey suggested by Steven Pearl
This could also be the motto for Staten Island. Ever drive on the West Shore Expressway? You can feel the minutes ticking off your life as you inhale the methane gas.
Bonus sarcasm not from the book:
Every time some sonofabitch gets a hardon, it costs me money. - My father, on learning that he was invited to yet another christening
Have a great Wednesday!
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