Archive for category Career
Behind the Mask
Photo by Ben Fredericson (xjrlokix)
We all have many roles to play in life. You may not only be a parent, but a child. A subordinate, and also a supervisor. A charitable person, but maybe a cheap bastard from time to time. A loyal, hard-working employee, or a misanthropic blogger. ;-) Each of these roles require us to don a mask, to help differentiate between the parts we play.
Most of the time, I’m an agreeable sort. If I can help someone out, I will help them. Most of the time. But there are times when I have to “dumb it down”, and that requires another mask. It’s my “regular guy” mask, the one that I wrote about in this post: Incognito. Nobody likes a know-it-all. So, I put on my regular guy mask and clam up. People tend to get uneasy if there’s someone smarter among them.
Then there are the masks that I put on when I have to ream someone out. One is irritated but civil, and the other is similar to Dave Schultz dropping his gloves without actually hitting anybody (I’m a Rangers fan and hate the Flyers, but Schultz was the ultimate badass). I use the first when there’s a discrepancy on my electric bill. The second one was used on my son the other day. Kids need to fear something, especially sometimes-snotty teenagers. They need, on occasion, to straighten up and fly right. So if he thinks the old man is a little crazy, so much the better. I repeat: I go nuts without hitting anyone!
Think of all of the different roles that you have to play in the course of a day. At work, maybe you’re the person who every comes to for personal advice. Or, you’re a sounding board for the disgruntled in your office. Maybe you’re the authority in some particular field, who gets called into the middle of a meeting to help clarify an issue. There are masks for each of these roles.
And then there are the masks that we hide behind. These are our disguises. Like my “regular guy” mask, they help keep people at arm’s length. I don’t like to disclose everything about myself (which is why I don’t do Facebook), so part of me remains a mystery. Just like Alfred (albeit a younger, sexier, female Alfred) is to Bruce Wayne/Batman, only my wife knows that I write this blog (and she’ll kill me for comparing her to an elderly butler). I don’t think my friends would get the whole idea, so that’s another mask that I hide behind: The Luddite. When they ask a computer question, I feign ignorance.
So, what masks do you hide behind? Let me know in the comments, as I’ll look forward to reading about them. Until then, I remain:
Mysteriously yours,
The Corporate Barbarian
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Us and Them
Posted by enrique s in Career, Motivation on July 14th, 2010
The division where I work was formed from the merger of two separate companies. Each company had a distinct product line, and there wasn’t much interaction between the two sides. This did not change when the people were co-located in the same building. In fact, I think the close proximity led to a polarization of the two groups. While the people all worked in the same area, there seemed to be an invisible wall between the groups. The cliques were out in full force.
With any consolidation comes the expectation of a cost take-out. For instance, you don’t need two managers for one department. Who stays in control is often determined by who wins the power struggle between the big shots to lead the new combined division. Directors like to surround themselves with their own “guys”; their own people provide a comfort zone in which to operate. My division was no exception; the losers either left on their own or were told not to let the door hit them on the ass on the way out.
As you can imagine, watching your old management team being unceremoniously shown the door can cause morale problems for the losing side. The have-nots start to watch their backs. With no champion in the director’s seat, they have to prove themselves all over again, like new hires. More resentment follows, and the chasm grows. But time heals many wounds, and new alliances are formed as needed. What follows is a period of peaceful apprehension. It’s like that scene in Independence Day, where you see the Israeli and Arab forces working side, fighting the aliens, all the while keeping an eye on each other.
But what can help a group of people to congeal? Is there a magic formula? I think there is, and I’ve seen it firsthand. It’s called a takeover. See, my division was reassigned to a new, larger superdivision. With that came changes to all of our familiar systems, and a shitload of new procedures. Months of mind-numbing training preceded the changeover. The patronizing attitude of the new management towards us made us seethe. It was us against them.
“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” - Sun-tzu
So, united against a common enemy, the once-disfunctional division became one. We saw our differences as few, and the things we had in common more important. Like the former enemies in Independence Day, a greater “evil” forced us to work together. We were all “us” now; there wasn’t any “them” anymore.
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Don’t Go with the Flow
Sheeple. The tag given to the general population by the outcasts, the unconventionals, the free-thinkers. If you haven’t already guessed, I’m part of the latter crowd. I don’t despise sheeple; rather, I pity them.
I see this herd mentality at work. One of the nervous ones will jump to a conclusion, and proclaim the path they’re going to take. More of the weak-willed will readily follow them on their path. They’ll look on incredulously as I go my own way. See, I’m not going to follow the rest of the lambs in their plunge over the cliff. Call me the anti-sheeple.
A recent example was the result of poor communication. This is where the chaos begins, as it creates a level of uncertainty. The sheeple need clear, explicit instructions, or they can’t proceed. I watch as they work themselves up into a lather, each feeding off of the other’s anxiety, until the herd becomes a force of nature. Then, there’s no stopping them. They become like the Borg, assimilating as they go.
Luckily, I’m not alone in my battle against the sheeple. I can always rely on the Comedian and his razor-sharp wit. He’ll always poke holes through the conventional wisdom that the sheeple embrace. See, if you break the sheeple up into smaller groups, they’re more manageable. You may even be able to reason with a few of them, and get them to see your point of view. I always hold out hope for calm, rational thought.
It’s easier to go with the flow, to be swept up in the current. You have to plant your feet against the tide if you want to be a unique individual. The waves may even knock you on your ass now and then. Just pick yourself up and brush off the sand. Wear your bumps and bruises as badges of courage earned in your fight against conventional wisdom.
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Sarbanes-Oxley, or, How to Waste a Tremendous Amount of Money
Any beancounter out there can probably tell you at least one Sarbanes-Oxley horror story. SOX, as it’s sometimes called, created a whole cottage industry of companies that ensured that you were SOX-compliant. There were practice audits, creating findings from these practice audits, leading to corrections to procedures, to more practice audits, to the actual SOX audit, to findings from the actual audit…you get the picture. But now, a glimmer of hope:
Reuters: Court strikes down part of Sarbanes-Oxley law
Oh, the humanity! SOX was a living hell to a big-picture guy like myself. When I read the above link, I think I even attempted a cartwheel. But my hopes were diminished, because this only killed part of the law. I guess I’ll have to be content with a small victory for now.
I know that SOX was set up to make auditing firms straighten up and fly right, but the impact was felt by the auditing companies’ clients. My company at the time even hired a “czar” to honcho the whole process. We needed this guy like I needed another appendix. His first job was to hire a consulting company to do a “pre-audit”, basically a reconciliation of our written procedures to our actual processes. We had three guys picking us apart for about two months. Whatever they asked, we had to provide. Pronto. Otherwise, you were deemed “uncooperative”, and were reprimanded for acting so.
Written procedures are usually outdated soon after they are three-hole-punched and put in a binder. Even in the Digital Age, web-based documents become out-of-date. The rate of change is staggering. Of course the consultants were going to find outdated procedures; that’s what they were getting paid to do. It was a self-fulfilling prophesy. Multiply that by all of the companies out there, and it comes to a vast sum spent on tidying up procedures, instead of doing any productive work.
So, SOX led to a shitty couple of months while we straightened out our procedures, so that our accounting firm could properly bless our financial statements. Because you know fraudulent practices, like those at Enron and WorlCom, were perpetuated by people working in Payroll or Shipping and Receiving. NOT!
They’re trying to force compliance on the wrong people. It reminds me of the days of Operation Ill Wind, when the CEO of my company was indicted for fraud, the same CEO who forced us to get an ethics “refresher” every year. You never know when a purchasing agent might use his connections to get a free pen, or <gasp> a logo sweatshirt.
The fish stinks from the head, as my old man used to say. And he knew his fish. Sarbanes-Oxley is a smokescreen, a fairy story to tell investors to make them feel that the government has everything under control. It’s the same trick corporations use to impress potential investors, by touting Quality Circles, Six Sigma Black Belts, or phony energy savings.
Just more expensive bullshit.
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When Good Hygiene Goes Bad
I was stuck in a series of day-long mandatory training sessions this week. Thankfully, today was only for half the day. Because much of the material was a rehash for me, my mind, and my eyes, tended to wander. And what my eyes saw wasn’t pretty.
The trend in recent years has been moving toward a more casual dress code. I’ve bleated about this in the past. It’s not like I’m a holdout; on the contrary, I think it’s great that I don’t have to go to the dry cleaners for my suits as often as I used to go. It’s nice not having a noose around my neck in the warm weather. I even wear jeans on the really casual Fridays, though they’re more presentable than the ripped Levi’s that many of my coworkers wear.
I don’t really care how my colleagues dress. But I see a disturbing trend, and it’s the neglect of proper hygiene. I know, ewwwwww! The guy two rows in front of me needed an ear-hair trimming something fierce. His ears looked like a bamboo forest. You’d need a macheté to cut through that growth. Just be sure to check for giant pandas. Another guy in the office reeked of body odor. This was at 9:00 in the morning. I guess he skipped the morning shower. I thought that it couldn’t get any worse, until he took off his shoes! Death, where is thy sting?
Some of the ladies were slacking off, too. One wore a sweater that smelled like mothballs. It could have come from some old maid’s attic. Another popped and snapped her chewing gum. Many wore no makeup, and most of them needed some (a few could have used a bag over their heads). The lady next to me had breath that smelled like a cross between coffe and rotting fish. The mothballed sweater smelled sweet by comparison.
Sitting at the back of the room, I was also treated to a variety of thinning hairlines. Most guys opted for the more natural Telly Savalas-look, but a couple went for the dreaded comb-over. One guy looked like he parted his hair from his shoulder. As my wife would say, that’s not fooling anybody. Time to go with the Kojak, buddy.
So if you’re treated to one of these sights at work, why suffer in silence? Just print out a copy of this post, and leave it on their chair, anonymously. Hopefully, they’ll get the hint, and clean up their act.
Just watch out for the pandas.
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The Dog-and-Pony Show
Posted by enrique s in Career, Leadership on June 17th, 2010
It was presented as a chance for me to shine. Face time with one of the big boys. All good news to report. A piece of cake. The usual dog-and-pony show. Just talk to the slides, and you’ll do just fine.
And I would have done just fine, if only we were all on the same page.
With one of my program managers out on travel, I was pressed into service. I had to present the status of one of his large contracts to our director’s boss, the Super Director (in the old days he would have been considered a VP). I’m no stranger to giving presentations, and jumped at the chance to show off in front of one of the bigwigs. If I did a good enough job, maybe it would lead to something. It lead to something that I didn’t expect.
The time to present was upon me. I stood in front of the familiar conference room, and began my old soft-shoe:
“The contract is fully funded. We’ve achieved on-time deliveries for the past 6 months. We have some opportunities for support labor savings, yada yada yada, and there’s a new representative for the customer. Any questions?”
I was asking only the Super Director; everyone else in the room knew that you don’t ask any tough questions at a dog-and-pony show. That’s the point of a dog-and-pony show; it’s to show our upper management how great a job we’re doing (You need extra-long arms to be able to pat yourself on the back like that). Apparently, not everyone had read the rules. Vito has surprised me with his lack of decorum in the past. And he stayed true to form, with his own, unexpected question:
“What about the negative customer satisfaction rating that we received from the new representative last quarter? Has our relationship with the customer been damaged to hinder our ability to work together in the future?”
It was like somebody dragged the needle across an old vinyl record. The silence was deafening. I tried to speak, but it came out like Ralph Kramden, “Hommina hommina hommina”. I went from the old soft-shoe to a frenzied tap dance. I might have even broke into the Robot. DAMAGE CONTROL! I made up some bullshit, which smoothed things over, and thought of how I was going to crush Vito’s windpipe after the meeting.
After the meeting, our Director called us into his office for a quick brow-beating. “What the hell was that? You guys better have your stories straight before you go into a meeting with my boss. I don’t want to see that bullshit happening ever again!” He was right. Knowing his history as a loose cannon, I should have briefed Vito on what questions he was allowed to ask. We not only made ourselves look bad, but also the Director, in front of his boss, no less.
So the next time someone tells you it’s a sure thing, make sure you go back and cover all of your bases first. No need for a loose cannon to ruin your big moment.
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Enemies
Posted by enrique s in Career, Leadership on June 16th, 2010
Photo by Caveman 92223 � On the 2010 US Tour
I was watching the movie Valkyrie the other day on HBO. If you haven’t seen it, it a Hollywoodized version of a plot to kill Hitler by his own officers. I was struck by the scene in which Tom Cruise’s character arrives at a conference at Hitler’s private retreat. Because he’s a war hero who has been maimed, he appears above reproach, and his briefcase is not searched for anything deadly. The same briefcase that contains the bomb meant for Hitler.
The irony of this is that the surrounding area of the camp was heavily guarded. You see German soldiers in trenches, staring out at the woods, waiting for an enemy that would slip by them, wearing their own uniform no less. One bored soul kills a mosquito with the lit end of his cigarette. The soldiers were expecting an enemy dressed in the uniform of the Red Army, not the German Army. They were lulled into a false sense of security.
Why this scene struck me has to do with recent events at work. A recent addition to our team, Alibi Ike, has a big target painted on him. Unfortunately, it’s been painted by his own people. He’s being undermined, and has no idea that it’s his own subordinates who want to take him down. You can feel the desperation as he tries to maintain control of his department, circling the wagons, so to speak, against an unknown enemy. If only he knew.
Much like Hitler, he wasn’t expecting his enemies to be from his own camp. Tensions in his department have been rising steadily, and I expect some form of mutiny in the near future. I haven’t been asked by either side to intervene, so I’m keeping my nose out of it. It is great theater, though, watching a conspiracy take shape. When the coup does occur, the method of assassination won’t be a bomb in a briefcase. It will be something subtler, like a screwed-up high-profile assignment. A career-ender.
So that sage advice from Sun-tzu, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”, should come with a caveat: Know who your enemy is first; he may not be the usual suspect. Then you can take precautions against the figurative bomb in the briefcase.
I’ll keep you posted about the fate of Alibi Ike.
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Made in the Shade
Photo by MagdaMontemor
As I mentioned in previous posts, I’ve done a lot of power-washing the past couple of weekends. During one of my breaks from the seemingly endless toiling, I happened to let my eyes wander up into the maple trees in my backyard. Communing with nature is good for the soul, I think some hippie once said, so I figured I’d give it a try.
As I took in both the twisting branches and stunted growth, two thoughts came to mind; one, I better trim some of those dead branches before they become widow makers; and two, what determines which branches flourish and which ones wither? Is it just a random happening, or can the tree determine where to send its precious sap?
I thought about resource allocation. A stink has been made at my job because our Bid and Proposal (or B&P for you fellow defense industry weenies) funding has been slashed. It seems the company is taking an all-the-eggs-in-one-basket approach to going after new business, the emphasis being put on new, fast-lane technology, at the expense of our historically bread-and-butter products. After looking up at the trees, the same process seemed to be at work.
The tree branches that were in the shade seemed to be the ones that had their flow of sap cut off. Much like the mature products at work, they had developed as much as they possibly could. They would require far too many resources to grow anymore. It was time to send the sap to a new, unexploited area, where growth would happen more efficiently. There was more of an upside in this new path. More bang for the buck, in other words. That’s the strategy my company was following; chasing new opportunities, and letting the old, spent products run their course without further investment.
It was to my delight, then, that I found out last week that I’m being transferred to one of these new, high-profile product lines. It’s a product that’s had its problems, but there’s a huge upside to this business. Did I mention it’s a high-profile job, with lots of visibility? We’ll see where this goes. And I thought I was going to have a nice, quiet summer.
I consider it a chance to step out of the shade into the sunshine.
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Showing Off
Posted by enrique s in Career, Motivation on June 11th, 2010
Photo by BobMacInnes
After the end of yet another weekend of powerwashing, I was treated to the aerobatics of a trio of red-tail hawks. I had just lit up my last Gurkha, and easing into a lounge chair, set to polishing off a Bass ale, when I heard the shrill cry from above. It was a windy Sunday, and a weather front was moving in (bad cigar-lighting weather). As the birds fought the gusts, it reminded me of kids showing off on their bikes.
I can remember, back in the day, when my friends and I would pop wheelies in the road, and see who could hold the wheelie the longest. There would come bragging rights for the afternoon, along with the skinned elbows and knees, and the occasional chipped tooth. We’d have other contests, like holding our breath under water, which I can see were just other ways of showing off, like a bunch of teenage gorillas beating on our chests. We were just showing off our skills.
It also brought to mind the ways that we show off at work. It might take the form of finishing before everyone else (guilty), or putting the most color slides in a PowerPoint presentation (not my strong point). Unfortunately, sometimes it might mean making someone else look bad, to show how diligent you are (are you reading this, Office Snitch?), because you have nothing else to bring to the plate. Funny how childhood habits follow us throughout our lives.
I guess showing off makes us better. We try to present our best attributes, to show how skillful we are. Does standing out make you a better leader? It worked for Patton. Maybe showing off brings out the qualities that are successful, and should be emulated. Though I doubt that I’ll be soaring like those hawks anytime soon.
I watched the hawks for a long time, long enough to wish that I’d took my time drinking that Bass. It was better than any air show that I’ve ever seen. After having my senses drowned out from the noisy powerwasher for two days, the hawk’s cry was a welcome tonic. I finished my cigar, and prepared for my next day at work.
I wonder what I can do to show off this week?
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Ineptotism
From the Free Online Dictionary by Farlex:
in•ept
1. Not apt or fitting; inappropriate
2. Bungling or clumsy; incompetent
nep•o•tism
Favoritism shown or patronage granted to relatives, as in business.
And from my twisted brain:
in•ept•o•tism
Putting an incompetent relative in a key position, to the detriment to both a company’s performance and employee morale.
I’ve coined a new word (or maybe not). I had an epiphany, or most likely a shit fit, after having to deal with the unholy spawn of a company director. He was obviously a mercy hire, as I couldn’t see “Number Two” (and I do mean that scatalogically also) surviving in the wild on his own. He is ill-suited to the position he occupies, or, as my son would say, “Sucka ain’t got no skills.” He also appears to have smoked way too much weed in college.
If you think about the excruciating process of hiring a new employee, you wonder how such a dolt could slip through the cracks in the first place. His old man must have compromising pictures of the guy that hired Number Two. How else can you explain the promotion of someone with no experience, let alone competence, to a position of great importance?
It’s not that I’m naîve; I’ve worked in companies that were more inbred than some Appalachian mountain towns, where sons reported to fathers, and in-laws got preferential treatment. At least they kept their relatives who hailed from the shallow end of the gene pool in positions from which they could do no harm.
But in the case of Number Two, he’s in a position where he could do some damage. The mere fact that he was promoted over several better-qualified candidates sure pissed off lots of people. So not only is he lacking in expertise, he’s also lacking in allies. After suffering through his yammerings for two days, I don’t know how he managed to pass the drug test.
I’m hoping Number Two will come to realize that he’s in way over his head, and that the Peter Principle will prevail yet again, moving him out of harm’s way. I’m also hoping for my 401(k) to recover to pre-meltdown levels, and for the oil to stop spewing from that broken pipe in the Gulf.
Ah, wishful thinking.
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