I had a dog when I was growing up, a sheperd/collie mix.  He was always loyal, even when I, being the little bastard that I could be at times, would mistreat him, like trying to ride on his back like Peter Griffin did to Brian (only Family Guy fans would know what that means).  He was a glutton for punishment, ol’ Bandit the mutt, and if he could talk, he’d probably respond with, “thank you sir may I have another?”

Sucker

Bandit had blind loyalty towards me, his occasionally sadistic child-owner.  Sure, most of the time I was kind to him, but if I were him, I wouldn’t tolerate my occasional lapses into meanness.  There are many people like Bandit; people with unwavering loyalty, no matter how badly they’ve been abused.  My mother had a word for them: Suckers.  In fact, one of my mom’s recurring sayings was, “Don’t be too nice to people.  They’ll walk all over you.” She spoke from experience, as she had many times been the one who’d been taken advantage of.

They walk among us

The suckers, they walk among us.  I have been a sucker many times myself.  If I were a boxer, they’d say that I lead with my chin.  A friend or acquaintance will ask for a favor, and as the words of agreement are leaving my mouth, the little voice in my head will whisper, “Sucker!”  Shit, I did it again. But I’m much less agreeable now then when I was younger.  In fact, I work at being a curmudgeon.  I don’t want to let my mom’s lesson go to waste.  As the narrator in Fight Club said, “I used to be such a nice person.”

…and bless Big Brother, and the CFO…

I’ve worked with people with blind loyalty to their employers.  In their eyes, the company could do no wrong.  Every new policy was implemented with everyone’s best interests in mind.  Yeah, right.  Like the CEO gives a shit about some peon in the Long Island branch.  I’m sure they included the members upper management in their prayers every night.

I pledge allegiance…

And a lot of good that did them.  When I worked at a large multinational conglomerate several years ago, one of my coworkers was a company man, through and through.  We’ll call him Cal.  Such was Cal’s love of the company that I think he believed that the sun shone from our CEO’s ass.  Cal’s immediate boss, who we’ll call the Benevolent Stomper,  was the biggest prick I ever came across, and I’ve worked with some real bastards.  Cal’s undying allegiance was ultimately his undoing.  See, his boss had him groom his ultimate successor.  When I warned Cal about the possible outcome, he dismissed it immediately.  He couldn’t accept that the Benevolent Stomper was having him grease his own skids.  “I’m just helping the company develop young talent” was his argument.

…and receive a kick in the ass

Well, Cal did such a  good a job with his management training, that he was sacked in favor of his protegé.  Oh, the company did find another position for Cal, but he had to take a pay cut, and move to another state.  Bless their little hearts.  I wonder if Cal still includes the Benevolent Stomper in his prayers at night.  I know his wife wasn’t happy about uprooting their kids in the middle of the school year.

People may think that I’m jaded, but it’s good to be suspicious.  I get taken advantage of a lot less often than I used to.  Whenever one of those corporate bulletins comes out trumpeting a policy change, I check for my wallet.  I’m not as gullible as Cal.

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