It was presented as a chance for me to shine.  Face time with one of the big boys.  All good news to report.  A piece of cake.  The usual dog-and-pony show.  Just talk to the slides, and you’ll do just fine.

And I would have done just fine, if only we were all on the same page.

With one of my program managers out on travel, I was pressed into service.  I had to present the status of one of his large contracts to our director’s boss, the Super Director (in the old days he would have been considered a VP).  I’m no stranger to giving presentations, and jumped at the chance to show off in front of one of the bigwigs.  If I did a good enough job, maybe it would lead to something.  It lead to something that I didn’t expect.

The time to present was upon me.  I stood in front of the familiar conference room, and began my old soft-shoe:

“The contract is fully funded.  We’ve achieved on-time deliveries for the past 6 months.  We have some opportunities for support labor savings, yada yada yada, and there’s a new representative for the customer.  Any questions?”

I was asking only the Super Director; everyone else in the room knew that you don’t ask any tough questions at a dog-and-pony show.  That’s the point of a dog-and-pony show; it’s to show our upper management how great a job we’re doing (You need extra-long arms to be able to pat yourself on the back like that).  Apparently, not everyone had read the rules.  Vito has surprised me with his lack of decorum in the past.  And he stayed true to form, with his own, unexpected question:

“What about the negative customer satisfaction rating that we received from the new representative last quarter?  Has our relationship with the customer been damaged to hinder our ability to work together in the future?”

It was like somebody dragged the needle across an old vinyl record.  The silence was deafening.  I tried to speak, but it came out like Ralph Kramden, “Hommina hommina hommina”.  I went from the old soft-shoe to a frenzied tap dance.  I might have even broke into the Robot.  DAMAGE CONTROL!  I made up some bullshit, which smoothed things over, and thought of how I was going to crush Vito’s windpipe after the meeting.

After the meeting, our Director called us into his office for a quick brow-beating.  “What the hell was that?  You guys better have your stories straight before you go into a meeting with my boss.  I don’t want to see that bullshit happening ever again!”  He was right.  Knowing his history as a loose cannon, I should have briefed Vito on what questions he was allowed to ask.  We not only made ourselves look bad, but also the Director, in front of his boss, no less.

So the next time someone tells you it’s a sure thing, make sure you go back and cover all of your bases first.  No need for a loose cannon to ruin your big moment.

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